«Accept despair and anguish and frustration and see it through. Don’t go to a doctor, don’t go to an analyst above all…»
«huh, here’s a wonderful zen story. it’s huh, about, huh, a monk called roshi bobo, which in english means master of fuck. now the title shouldn’t throw anyone and may not mean exactly what people think. huh, but there’s one thing you can say about the master of fuck, that this fuck is an extraordinary one like none that ever was before. and the whole story concerns a young man fifteen years of age whose parents sent him to a zen monastery to become a monk and of course to receive enlightenment. umm… he was a fairly bright young man, good looking, obedient and huh, as far as anyone can see huh… good material. but umm, after a few years, huh, nothing seemed to happen, he didn’t seem to be getting anywhere. five years past, nothing, ten, and even his masters began to despair of him. finally after fifteen years he decided that he didn’t have it in him, he didn’t have what it takes, and, he would go out and enjoy earthly, huh, life, you know… be a man of the world, if he couldn’t be a monk. so he slipped out one night with his bag and baggage and huh, he wandered in to the red light district. and there he encountered a girl… seemed to him like a geisha, and he went to bed with her, immediately. well, it was his first experience with a woman, and umm… instead of being awkward though, and embarrassed and shy, and so on… he seemed to be very adept, his senses were highly attune from his zen training. he was aware of her body, the touch, the smell… everything! even when the clothes dropped to the floor… created a sensation in him. so, in the midst of this huh, marvelous, huh, experience, he suddenly has what he couldn’t get in the monastery; the experience of satori. he saw things as they are and were and always will be, once and forever, clearly, you know… which is, huh, really what enlightenment is all about, don’t ya know! the important thing was he had allowed himself to go to the very end of doubt and despair. had he not, you see, this would never had happened. but he went to the very end of the tunnel and saw the light. and huh, this is, of course, huh, something does not happen to people in psychoanalysis. they may be adapted to our corrupt world when they’re finished, but they never reach satori, do you see… and they never see things as they really are, in my opinion. and of course, there’s another aspect to it, huh, and a very wonderful one… it’s like william blakes idea of going, of reaching heaven through hell. it doesn’t matter what road you take to, huh, reach paradise. and beside that even, one might say that paradise is not even just around the corner but right under your nose, if you, you know, if you happen to be lucky and aware enough, you know… and i think that’s the great burden of it, that one should, huh, one should, how shall i say… accept his doubts completely, as the buddha once advised, you know… accept despair and anguish and frustration and see it through. don’t go to a doctor, don’t go to an analyst above all, heh, heh heh…»
“Henry Miller Asleep and Awake” (2007), directed by Tom Schiller, filmed when the author was 81. It is a voyage through his bathroom’s improvised gallery, talking about life, sex, spirituality, nightmares, philosophers, writers, painters, mad kings, women, friends and New York.